It's a shame no one warned me about depression in University...

Growing up I never knew what depression was or what it meant. My mum, however, was depressed, diseased and mentally ill. I didn't understand depression or mental illness so I’d tell friends only 'she has cancer', people knew what that was. I associated 'depression' with sadness and anger, because that's all it looked like. I associated 'mental illness' with craziness, because that was all it looked like, that is all I watched, and unconsciously became subject to. I was not educated on mental health, so I did not know what meant what.

Depression is different for everyone, different feelings, heights, extents...

It resonates darkness and a numbness that makes living feel surreal, and the thought of darkness seem soothing, which our minds grow warmer to, little by little.

No one talks about university with regards to mental health. Perhaps it's because reaching that peak of depression in uni is paralysing. It’s like you can't move but we are forced to face responsibilities like meeting deadlines, money, health, relationships and more...we aren't, however, given the means to face our depression/these low feelings, but are given the opportunity to grow in debt, doubt, insecurity, stress etc...

Mental health isn't a government priority...what did we expect?

Hidden agendas...

Depression will not reflect your potential, neither will it tell you truths. It will shrink you into less than what you are. Incapable.

You know...rooms feel empty when they are full...and empty rooms get filled up with thoughts, loneliness, and a learned comfort. Then it becomes normal to be alone, staying inside more, not letting anyone in, verbal communication isn't necessary, smaller interactions. Bad habits, drinking every night, having bedtime spliffs since going to sleep with thoughts is worse than waking up with thoughts. Telling people in your life that you're unavailable or busy but you're in fact busy with nothing, just excuses, and habits that turn into your lifestyle. This is just a generalisation based on experience and observation in university environments, again, individual experiences differ, this seems like the most common cycle.

Breaking of chains

 Once you get to this stage in life, it definitely feels like it will never leave...I thought so until proven otherwise. Do not be deceived though, it takes a lot of effort, courage and pain. It is a painful process as you reintroduce the current you, to the better you again. This is exactly what your mind will tell you, you don't need/can't have.

How to break the chains?

- Force yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable till comfortable.

This can consist of, going out in broad daylight, eating food or giving yourself a compliment a day.

- Seek council

This can vary from a therapist, doctor, friend or family member. Even if you don't talk, surround yourself with a presence other than your own.

- Go to the doctors

Now this is not for therapy. This is to assure your general health is okay. There is such a thing as health anxiety which can add weight to your situation. Although this may not be your case, health and depression are highly linked.

- Build a skill for distraction

Not distract yourself by watching Game of Thrones every day, focus on something that will reap rewards no matter how big or small.  This is because distracting yourself will only make you feel that same empty when you are done. Have something to feel good about, to exercise your brain.

Skills can be anything, gym, cooking, writing, dancing, athletics, blogging, photography, make-up etc...

Others...

- Leave negative people behind

- Write out a motivational quote a day

- Befriend light energy

- Sleep on time

- Don't wake up later than 11am, laziness and later starts allows room for negativity!

Hopefully something can help you feel normal and understood from this, and if not feel more than free to email me mosope.onanuga@gmail.com x