It’s not too late to find your passion…

In Bulgarian tradition, after the birth of a baby and its settling into the home, it is custom to play a game that has been passed down for centuries. After the baby can crawl, and they’ve explored their surroundings, they’re ready to experience what is thought of as their future destiny. The parents lay some seemingly mundane household objects on the floor, and let the baby crawl in the common direction of the objects. There’s nothing fancy laid out – there might be a screwdriver, a pen, a magnifying glass, or maybe a ladle. The important thing is that each object has to represent a future career path. Legend has it that whatever object the baby crawls to and grabs is directly telling of what the baby will become.

I picked up the pen.

Ever since I was little, I’ve had an innate ability to be emotionally fluent and well versed. What I mean by this is I’ve never been scared of feeling, or of revelling in feelings. As a little girl, I used to write letters to my family, expressing myself in a very innocent child-like way. I used to write things children often write, and be very emotionally present in them. I would give the letters to them as gifts and feel proud of myself. As adults who had become accustomed to the `real world` (a term I heard so often growing up, it became something of an enemy to me), they often laughed off the letters in uncomfortability. Eventually, I stopped writing them.

Writing stories was the next step I took. Around my primary and early secondary school days I was concerned with writing stories and letting my imagination take the reigns over my hand and mind. As a young creative mind, I was more interested in the imagery of the words, and where it took your thoughts and feelings. I loved imagining a scene in my mind and describing the details as vividly as I could. I loved portraying the emotional intensity of the characters. My mother was more concerned with the over-detailed sentences and disagreed with the grammar. Eventually, I stopped writing them.

Poetry was my next venture. I published my first poem near the end of secondary school and started writing poetry at university in my spare time. This drove me into spoken word poetry, an art that I still feel deeply passionate about. This time I didn’t let anyone allow me to stop my flow of creativity. They say the third time’s a charm.

What this has to do with my personal pursuit of happiness is the lesson I was left with. Even the people closest to you might block your attempts at happiness because they feel uncomfortable with the steps you’re taking to achieve it. Even if it is the best thing for you. Or they might simply have let life wrap them in a negative shell they cannot break free from. Seeing you dabble in creativity and in the “dream-world” as it was often put to me, upsets and irritates them. Because you are making the most out of life and not letting any negativity into your bubble.

What I had to realise is that all of these restraints and blocks to my creative ventures had everything to do with their limitations and nothing to do with my abilities. As a young child, this is clearly not possible, but as an ambitious and creative young adult, every day contains something that you can use to help your own growth and development. Maybe it’s trying to make every bad experience you go through in a day positive by finding those little silver linings amongst the dark clouds. Maybe it’s being nice to someone who doesn’t return the favour. Maybe it’s unapologetically taking time for yourself in a day in order to power up your mental strength. Whatever the thing is during the day, it’s always there.

Without writing, I would have locked up my creativity years ago. I would have smothered it with doubt and lack of self-belief. But writing is a passion, and like all passions, these fires are not easily put out. Whatever your passion is, you have to ultimately promise yourself that you’ll stay true to it. It’s not easy, when society is becoming more and more meaningless in the day-to-day, and money and greed has started to prevail as the number one goal. But if you decide who you want to be and stick to your plan, you’ll be the own maker of your happiness. Imagine what something like that feels like.

For those of you who thought `but I don’t have a passion` just now… you’re wrong. You just haven’t uncovered it yet. You haven’t searched enough. You haven’t been brave enough to express yourself in different ways and feel what is truly within you. And no passion can truly reach you if you’re not being true to yourself. Let go. And see where it takes you. 

Until next time,

Kalina