Have you bought into the Hollywood love lie?

 Growing up, the notion of romantic love that was portrayed through film, poetry, novels – and practically the majority of media sources – was always incredibly idealistic. I was always in awe of what it would feel like one day when it happened to me. There were several myths that I realised were often portrayed about love. And one of them was that love is supposed to make you crazy.

You hear about it all the time in films. “I can’t breathe when I’m not around her”. Or “I just act so crazy with him”, or “he brings out my wild side!”. And it all seems to insinuate that a person is not whole unless the other completes them.

The problem with encouraging people to believe that real love is when one person drastically changes in an extroverted, wild way when influenced by the other is that it doesn’t take into account the amount of issues that it could lead to. It suggests lack of self-control, non-realistic standards of relationships and dismissal of rationality. It’s a destructive path to go down, that could realistically only lead to intensity followed by disappointment when this phase is over.

The other problem is that people aren’t conditioned to accept each other’s stillness, comfort and vulnerability in a loving way. Instead, they’re taught that the person you love should always have that biting, witty remark to your joke, should always be light-hearted until you both simultaneously feel like having a deep conversation, and that you would never get bored of each other. It doesn’t teach you what to do when you start to feel bored, or annoyed, or when the initial boost of confidence has worn off.

At that point, you’ll wish you were really good friends beforehand – something that also doesn’t really happen in the “love at first sight” films.

Butterflies are not long-term side effects of relationships – they wear off after you become comfortable. But what they’re replaced with is the sense of feeling at home, and comforted by your “other half”. If you don’t get that – sorry to disappoint, but you might just be a victim of the Hollywood love lie.

Strangely enough, the relationships I am aware of that have lasted for a while, where both parties are loving and happy – do seem to be the antithesis of what the media projects. Stability doesn’t derive from being temporarily excited and passionate – it derives from knowing someone inside and out, and caring more about their happiness than your selfish desires or needs. Not everyone gets to experience love this pure.

It’s not a surprise that Hollywood portrays this superficial image of love, but we need to stop buying into it. It won’t lead you into happiness. It’ll probably leave you with more scars than you thought. 

Until next time,

Kalina